Slipping through my fingers

Tonight mamma Mia was on one of the lesser itv channels. The film has been a firm favourite of mine and my mums since it's release six years ago. The basic premise is of a girl preparing for her wedding. As the film reaches it's climax there is a scene in which meryl Streep and Amanda seyfried, playing mother and daughter, get ready for the ceremony to the soundtrack of the ABBA song Slipping through my fingers. The first time I saw the film my mum was a blubbering wreck beside me. The same scenario has played out every single time we've seen the film since (trust me that's a large number of times). 

As my own wedding draws nearer by the day though, I'm starting to see that my mockery has been a little harsh. Given the high likelihood that come 26th September I will be a blubbering wreck I don't think coming good on my threat to play that song as I get ready will in fact be conducive to me or mum getting to church with our mascara still intact! 

The reality and enormity of getting married is starting to hit home. I've been mentally preparing for a wedding my whole life but as for actually being married, well that's a different kettle of fish. Even though James and I have already bought a house together and been living together for almost 2 years it's still an enormous step to take. I'll admit that it's one I'd pushed fairly hard for but I'm only now realising implications of marriage. 

Marriage is for life, not just for Christmas. James drives me crazy. He winds me up, he teases me, he's possessive, he's grumpy and he's stubborn. He's also highly unlikely to change. I know all this. And yet I'm still planning on saying I do. There are a number of people who've questioned why. Normally jokingly enough. The answer is simple. Despite all his faults I love him. I love his cooking and his cuddles. I love his sense of humour (yes I know it's terrible). I love his family values and his love of dogs. I admire his intelligence and his bitingly sharp wit, even when it is directed at me. However I definitely can't promise not to bawl my eyes out when I marry him! 

102 days...