Video go or video no?

As people we make decisions every minute of every hour of every day. Some are mundane, others later the entire path of our lives. The decision I am currently faced with is neither, but in its own way it is quite momentous. The question we are currently trying to thrash out an answer to is whether or not to have our big day recorded on film for posterity. 

The idea of having our wedding videod was discussed from the off. It was never agreed upon, nor was it discarded completely but for budgetary reasons amongst others it was set aside. Until now. 

I must admit it has played on my mind for the last few weeks whether or not I might live to regret not employing a videographer. One of my primary reasons for fretting stems from my frequent Perusals of the wedding magazines. The back page of wedding ideas has a feature where married women think back to their wedding day and what, if anything, they would change. I happened to read one where the lady in question said she wished she'd had her day filmed. And I was off. 

While I don't like the idea of a camera crew intruding upon the intimacy of the day, nor do I fancy people suffering stage fright or feeling awkward because they are on camera, there are certain elements of the day that I would wish to have a record of in a way that a photograph just couldn't convey. The aspects I'm talking about include amongst others, the vows, hymns, piper, speeches and first dance. 

It would seem a shame to me that the first dance, which we have already expended many hours upon, should be lost in the ether once we have danced it at the wedding. I would also like to be able to remember the speeches. Some of those speaking I know to be natural performers and I don't feel a transcript of what they say would do justice to the way they are received or the fact that I imagine there will be some improvisation on the day. 

I would also like to be able to relive the atmosphere in the church and the moment James and I fully commit to one another. 

I brought these thoughts up with James earlier today and I think we have agreed that I will look into pricing and availability and take it from there. I have spoken to a few people who've had their weddings filmed and none of them have any regrets about it. I think it's fairly obvious which way I'm leaning...

The great stationery debate

Today the stress has finally got to me. The financial pressure we are now under with the house, the wedding and the honeymoon manifested in a mini breakdown which has caused me to have a face like a 'slapped haddock' for most of the day. Irritatingly I quite liked James' turn of phrase when he described me thus. The upshot is that when I came home I decided I needed to bury myself in the fairytale world of weddings. My chosen topic for tonight was stationery. In comparison to the Save the Dates which were easily sorted and are standalone the rest of the stationery is set to be far more complicated as Bridezilla-to-be here is intent on co-ordinating. In plain speak I want the invitations, the order of services and the menu cards to tie in. I also wouldn't be averse to having a matching guest book. When it comes to the place cards and the table plan though, I have something else up my sleeve.

The easy bit is the colour. Without a doubt purple must predominate, but at the same time I want the invites to look clean and feminine (sorry James). Tonight I have immersed myself in the websites of everyone from bespoke stationers, to personisable cards, to hobbycraft and I am precisely no further forward in my quest to source the perfect products. I haven't even decided if I want to make the cards (by 'I' read 'Mum', as I have far too much in the way of craft on my plate at the moment) or have them made. The easy, but expensive option, is to have them made. I say that option is easy, in fact it's remarkably difficult as it relies upon us finding stationery we like, at a price we can afford (currently that would be the stationer paying us for our custom!). As yet I've not seen anything that stands out to me as a must-have design.

Perhaps the obvious answer then is to create my own. Unfortunately I have never been blessed with creativity. I have mocked up a couple of invitations but I worry that they will look fussy and/ or budget. It's not even as though they are the inexpensive option when the cards and envelopes I like could set us back £13 for 8 and that's before adding on extra for the embellishments, not to mention the time that would be involved creating the many tens of invitations that will be required. The invite is the first impression most people will get of the wedding and I want it to be a good one. It's not about having the best or the most novel, it's about having an invite that will reflect our personalities and the theme of our day. Who knows what I'll decide on but whatever it is I think it needs to be soon!

The stag

As the wedding draws nearer thoughts are turning to the stag and hen dos. James has decided to hold his stag party in Edinburgh, a city very close to his heart and his childhood home. The arrangements, I believe, are to be put in the capable hands of best man/ best mate, Ross. James will be inviting a fairly select group of friends along with his dad and my dad. 

I found out today that James will be in competition when it comes to the stag do. My dad intends to hold 'an old farts stag'. I have no idea why but suspect it's the opportunity to misbehave that appeals. He plans to take a group of his mates up to his lodge in Scotland. I have little doubt that much drinking will ensue as he celebrates the fact that some other mug is willing to take me off his hands. 

When he first broached the topic I thought he was joking, and simply fishing for an invite to James' do but I am assured by my mother that he is actually serious! I've not heard of other fathers of the bride-to-be doing similar but I suppose it's as good an excuse as any. Surprisingly as yet mum hasn't suggested a similar scheme but I'm guessing it may only be a matter of time. 

The story of us...

Some people meet at work, others share a hobby. Increasingly many meet online. For us it was fate and the intervening hand of a mutual friend. Yes that's right - our story is that of a blind date. Only in this case it Klara, not Cilla, who gets to dress up for the wedding and courtesy of her firing cupid's arrow I've asked her to be a bridesmaid. 

This story begins back in October 2010 in B@1 in Hammersmith. I'd gone for cocktails with my friend Klara. As the drinks flowed the tongues loosened and talk turned to why I had been single for approaching 3 years. After a little soul searching we established that I'd pushed people away because I was scared of getting hurt again. Once I realised this I knew I'd be able to overcome it and would give the next guy the benefit of the doubt. Klaras next questions was what I was looking for in a man. I apologise if the following list appears shallow:

1. Older than me (I was only 22 at the time so to date someone younger would have been cradle snatching) 

2. Taller than me (there's really no excuse for this one)

3. Intelligent/ well educated 

4. Non-smoker - non negotiable

5. Animal lover

And the bonuses:

6) good cook

7) Scottish ( I love the accent and always fancied marrying a guy in a kilt)

What followed was the fateful comment 'I think I might know someone. He's desperate for a girlfriend. Can I give him your number?' 

And so I took a leap of faith and said yes. There followed a little Facebook stalking and shortly after we went our separate ways back home. It was the next day that the first text arrived. Over the course of the next fortnight texts were exchanged on at least an hourly basis so that by the time we went on our first date on 28th October, James already occupied quite a role in my life. 

That first date was to the Blue Anchor in Hammersmith. My first impressions of James were very favourable and we had a thoroughly enjoyable evening. He made me laugh and I found him very easy company. It wasn't until much much later that James revealed he'd spent the night valiantly attempting not to be sick, having got off his sick bed just for our date. 

Three days later our second date took us to the saachi gallery and peter jones' and was followed by our first kiss. 

Our third date saw us dining at pizza express in Fulham. After which James took a detour via Woking to get back to clapham junction. I spent most of the train journey in hysterics at his misfortune. 

By date four I'd offered to cook james dinner and our fifth date was his rematch. Thank goodness I cooked for him first or I'd never have had the courage to feed him after that first superb meal of chicken in tarragon on a bed of blanched veggies and pomme purée. I have to admit to a little bit of mockery when he told me that menu. 

Date eight was momentous for being our first ceilidh. Apparently I took to it like a natural. 

Our first Christmas and new year were spent apart with James up in Scotland and me down at my parents. 

In early February he had a baptism of fire when I introduced him to my parents, dog, both grandmothers, cousins and aunts and uncles at my grandmothers hundredth birthday. He coped admirably but to this day won't let me live down the torment of having to meet so many at once. 

On valentines day 2011 James told me he loved me for the first time. 

Our relationship lasted the distance when I went off to Australia in November 2011, not returning until February 2012. I can't say james coped well with it but following my return all went smoothly. 

We moved in together in Oxford in July 2012, James having chosen to follow me out of the capital, despite his love of London. 

Finally in December 2013 James asked me the big question. And so we are where we are today. There have been bumps here and there but fundamentally we share he same hopes and dreams and both enjoy strong family values. I think we're well suited but then again I'm probably biased. 

I think this is the bit where I say - and they all lived happily ever after. In actual fact I view our wedding not as the end of our story but the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, one which I can't wait to embrace. 

Gift list

At some point it was inevitable that the debate about wedding gifts would occur. From the moment we announced our engagement we were bombarded from both sides by queries about what we would like to celebrate. 

At this point I would like to stress that we expect nothing beyond the pleasure of sharing such a significant and exciting occasion with our nearest and dearest. We do however anticipate that certain of our guests may wish to offer us a token to mark the event. As such we had a number of options...

1) no gift list - and hundreds of toasters. 

2) a traditional wedding gift list from a department store

3) a more modern gift list from an online retailer

4) a charity gift list, probably to reflect our love of the Oxfordshire animal sanctuary. 

5) a honeymoon gift list as proposed by our travel agent. 

6) a photography gift list as proposed by our photographer

7) a combination of the above. 

As yet this debate is ongoing. The front runners are currently 2 and 5 but there are definite reservations to the honeymoon list as we will have had to pay for the honeymoon before the invites go out and I had hoped it would offer guests options for buying experiences or souvenirs rather than just offering a sum of money. Regardless we are agreed that of any monies that are refunded after the wedding, either from a honeymoon fund or from the venue when it comes to room sales we will make a sizeable donation to OAS so everyone's a winner! 

Victory

Finally. Yes finally I have succeeded in procuring from James a guest list. At this stage it is the guest list for the day but the evening invitees are yet to be decided by both of us and I will certainly be operating a reserve list that will both bump up people from the evening list if the places occur and adding people to the evening list if i have the opportunity. 

For now though it is just a relief to be able to send out the save the dates for James guests before the invites need to go out! 

Bits and pieces

On the wedding front there really isn't much to report at the moment. Plans are all in place and it's now down to the mere details. 

The final bridesmaid dress is on order. The roses are stacking up, although not nearly as fast as I'd like them to. At last I have a list from James of invitees so I am one step closer to being able to send out his save the dates. Our band have finally confirmed that they are all available. 

Besides this everything is now geared towards the house, the purchase of which seems to be going ahead and we can't wait to be in and settled long before the wedding. 

I started my new job this week. I'm now working with newborns. Thankfully the fact I have a wedding dress to fit into is helping keep the hormones in check - for now!